in awe

There is a lot I could write about right now, but I figure I should follow up on the title of this post. It's the Monday after my senior year spring break. Like my freshmen year, I went on Big Break - a trip Cru takes every spring break to Panama City Beach, Florida. This year was completely different for me for many reasons, but I'm back at JMU in awe of my Savior. 


This past week was full of friends, Florida, Jesus, and fun. Yesterday, I felt like I had been away from Harrisonburg for months, not just one week. Regardless, I was back at school and needed to focus my attention on my school work which meant my math quiz the next day. I even pushed myself to go to the library, but I could not focus. Over the past week, I didn't spend much quality time with the Lord. To be honest, I didn't spend quality time with Him alone. I was constantly surrounded by people whom I love, but I feel drained. For multiple reasons, I have been in a weird mood and am trying to fight my way out of it. Tonight at Bible study, we reflected on our lives through some questions I posed to the group. It was a refreshing time of reflection (hopefully) for us, but I would look around the room at my girls and be in awe. I've had the honor of leading them this past year and I love them. I really love them. I looked around at each girl and joy filled my heart knowing how dedicated they are to coming each week, to each other, and to the Lord. It's encouraging and challenging to me as their leader. 


During our discussion, I wanted to open to a passage to read to them, but I flipped open to 2 Corinthians and read 

"...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am week, then I am strong."

I laughed a little inside of how often I forget. I forget that whatever I am going through is for a purpose. I forget that I can choose joy in my trials and when I feel defeated by my sin. I forget that God is faithful and will never abandon me. He is always with me and is always loving me. Because of Christ, I am a new creation and the old has gone. I have life! I get caught up in myself and in the "thorn in my flesh" that I forget the truth of the gospel. I love the song "Embracing Accusations" by Shane and Shane. I highly recommend listening to the whole song, but some of its lyrics are 

Oh the devil's singing over me; an age old song; that I am cursed and gone astray; singing the first verse so conveniently; he's forgotten the refrain; Jesus saves!

It's true that we are cursed and gone astray, but we don't have to stay that way. Jesus came to save us and restore us back to Himself in perfect relationship with our Father. Why do I forget that? Again, I am in awe of Jesus' patience and grace toward me in these times when I feel insecure.